whErE 2 nExT?

T-Pain has something to that song, "I'm in Luv wit a Stripper." Don't ask me why but the more I go to the strip clubs the more I understand that song. Maybe it's the catchy tune that plays every time I walk in the club or maybe I gots the hots for a stripper. Interesting....very interesting, indeed. Nah, probably just like the song.

Kinda like when I decided that I could freestyle like Jay-Z because I saw a 20/20 special on how he made "The Black Album". Bad idea..eventually they took the microphone away from me at McDonald's but, for that one glorious moment, I was a rapper. I tried to flow to every beat I hear and sometimes they really were good and sometimes, I booed myself. Thank God for portable rhyming dictionaries otherwise, I was so screwed. Eventually, I got pretty good but by then I was on to something else. Karaoke Bars to be exact.

My first time at a karaoke bar was an interesting one. Picture this:
Two girls walk into a karaoke bar. One is black, wearing a black hoody and baggy, black shorts....the other is Tongan, wearing a tight t-shirt and hip-hugger jeans. The Odd Couple?..oh yeah. Mainly because the bar they walked into was a redneck bar. The only color came from the beer bottle labels and the DJ. So, yeah, odd couple. The black girl decides she is thirsty and orders a glass of water. The waitress comes back and ask for $1.00.
"Shit.. I don't have a dollar..."
"That's OK.. I'll make you a deal. You get up there and sing one song and I'll buy the drinks for the night."
"Yeah..OK.." the black girl said, not thinking about the consequences of her actions.
"Well..Go up there and pick a song and I'll make sure that Mike puts you on next."
So, the black girl picks the only song she can think of..."Still of the Night" by Boyz to Men. She get on stage after they call her name and thus, a Bar Star is born. And the rest was history.. she came back every weekend and every song that she knew. Eventually, she got pretty good at that but then...she was off to something else.

I was that black girl, ladies and gents.. And I moved on to something else after that...Tekken 3 at CiCi's Pizza. Eventually, I was able to play 45 games in a row on my original $.50. I got bored of that too. So, where to go from there? Some would choice sex, drugs and alcohol but I already had those things...So, where to go from there? Dancing.

That's right...DANCIN' BABY!!! WOOOOO WHOOOOO!!!! I started dancing at the safest spot I could think of, my living room. I learned most of the dance moves from music videos, spending hours in front of the big screen mimicking what I saw until I started hanging out with a b-boy from Cali. He taught me the basic break-dancing moves and then on to the more difficult. Eventually, I started shaking my groove thang on the dance floor, so much so that I started losing weight. Then, my already baggy shorts became obscene and my tall tee's looked like giant night gowns. I hated the idea of having to replace my entire wardrobe so I learned how to layer my clothes: 2 shirts, 3 pairs of shorts, a pair of jeans and a belt for good measure. Apparently, my elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor because I never thought about the fact that the more clothes I wore, the more I sweat...and the more I sweat, the more I lost weight. 60 pounds lighter and absolutely nothing to wear, I decided to start watching other people dance and I would sit there and enjoy the show. OFF TO THE STRIP CLUB!! WOOO!!

So, here I am at the strip club, listening to "I'm in Luv wit a Stripper" for the 3rd time tonight but the dancers are different, the dances are more erotic and the club is BYOB. Maybe it's the booze or maybe its strippers or maybe it's the song but now I'm starting to wonder, where to next.