eDGe oF tHe uNiVErsE

I had the strangest dream last night..

There I was standing at the edge of the universe watching it in all of its splendor and all I could think of is, "I wonder what would happen if I spit a snot-wad off the side? Would it end up in China or circle the Plant Jupiter or maybe, it would rain over Africa..." Most, at this critical time, would be thinking about creation and the meaning of life and all things cosmic but not me.

Yeah.. I also know that if someone else was standing at the edge of creation, they would say something inspiring. Well, I did say something inspiring, "Holy poo on a corkscrew shaped stick! Look at the size of that gap!!" To me, that was awe inspiring, and down right appropriate for the situation. Ehh..What can I say? Usually, what ever hits my brain first pops out of my mouth first. No thinking before I speak..It takes all the fun outta life.

A single star fell from the sky and landed into the gap. I stared into the gap for a long time; I guess I was waiting for something to happen, something that would change the course of my life. Something that would change history but, it was a dream and it was my dream. From prior dream experience, I know my dreams revolve around food, sex, shoes or some arrangement of two or some extremely creepy version of all three but never anything truly life altering. Like one dream I had was about me being chases by an army of giant gummi bears. The only thing I learned from that dream was that if I opened a package of gummi bears, I needed to eat the whole pack...Leave no survivors..Leave no one to tell the tale. Alas, as I stood at the edge, I had no epiphany, no breath-taking moment of clarity, no nothing.

When I woke up, thinking that the dream had some higher meaning behind it, I realized it didn't. Nope...Nothing spiritual about it. I reached to turn on the lamp next to the couch (I don't have a bed in my room) and realized that I was hanging off the edge. I rolled off and crashed between the coffee table and the couch, thus, landing on a pile of drool-y dog toys left by one of my more-than-loving pups. I laid there for a moment to collect my thoughts, wondering if I broke anything important or if the dog that left the toys just happened to be in remote-throwing distance, when it hit me.

Nope, it wasn't an epiphany... Nope, it wasn't a breath-taking moment of clarity... It was my laptop. Apparently, I fell asleep using it and it was still on the couch with me. So now I know, if I ever end up on the edge of the universe again, to take a couple of steps back and watch for falling objects.

Now, in retrospect...I'm kinda glad I didn't spit off the edge.